Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
