I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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