What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
