I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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