Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
