Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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