Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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