i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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