3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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