I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
