Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
