I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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