We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
