i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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