genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
