So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
