hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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