if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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