At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
