Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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