why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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