yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
