i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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