You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
