Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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