3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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