So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
