You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
