"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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