I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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