im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
