I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
