Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
