I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
