Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
