Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
