I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up under a house in Key West
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
