That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Randomize
