yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
