if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
