Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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