Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
