Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We need to get me chipped asap
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