ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
