you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
