life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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