I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
