I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
