it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
