I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
