JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
